Better… Not More
I used to believe that once my kids were older and out of the house, my “everydays” would abate and I’d fall into a slower rhythm. However, I’ve quickly learned that no matter their ages, the “back to school” season is always busy.
Today, I am no longer purchasing back-to-school supplies of binders and folders, and calculators. I’m no longer signing up for various volunteer opportunities or to be one of the “swim/dive moms” for the high school’s swim and dive team. I am not adding “school pictures” to the calendar in hopes of remembering to make sure my kiddos aren’t wearing sweatshirts on that particular day. Nevertheless, what I AM doing is just as hectic. With kids in college, the beginning of the year means Family Weekends which consist of tickets to football games and dinner reservations made way in advance; and coordination to ensure that every child feels supported. The start of the academic year also means trying to get commitments from my kids on when they’ll be home so we aren’t purchasing tickets home for Thanksgiving weekend in late October and booking dentist appointments for when they are back months in advance. So even though it’s not the day-to-day stuff, all of these plans still take a lot of time and planning.
When the kids can’t come home, we “bring” home to them. This was the case this past summer when none of my kids had the opportunity to be at home… to lounge on the couch, visit with friends, and eat at their favorite local dining establishments. Homesickness settles in for them, and for me… so putting eyes on each other makes the biggest difference- even if it’s for 24 hours.
When our oldest daughter was knee-deep in an intense semester at Emory over the summer, we came out and spent two days with her in her temporary hometown of Atlanta. We tried new restaurants, did a little shopping, and explored a couple of new areas of the city. Similarly, when our middle daughter was only afforded one day off all summer, we flew to her. This short stint gave us an opportunity to take a few of her friends out to dinner, to go hiking, and to spend 36 hours in NYC where we walked, ate, and relaxed at the hotel pool. And just last month, when our youngest was in the midst of plebe year, we decided to go to Annapolis for his birthday. This year was a remarkable difference from how he celebrated last year, and we wanted to ensure that he was with family on his special day. Those 36 hours together were amazing, emotional, and important.
When I recently reflected on all of these short trips, what I concluded was that I’d never been more certain about “quality over quantity.” Would it have been incredible to have my kids home for the summer like so many others? Yes, sure it would have been amazing to spend a lot of time together; but with day-in and day-out, it’s tough to make meaningful and impactful memories. When we’re forced to have concentrated time together, we inadvertently make more of an effort to connect and be present. And although that time sometimes seems shorter than a blink-of-an-eye, what we’re left with is a memory that warms the heart when it’s feeling sad or lonely
So whilst I may not have those full summers anymore, or days upon days of togetherness; I’m confident that the time we do spend together is meaningful.
